Formula for a 'Relationship Catastrophe'

Imagine that the honeymoon period has been over for a while now. You have children, you have bills, you have debt, you have obligations, you’re both working longer and longer hours, your combined work life commitments steer you steadily in different directions for the greater part of most days, you are tired more often than not - and since time remaining at day’s end is typically precious little, you’re no longer looking after yourself quite as well as you used to. You can feel it and you can see it, but you pretend it away because something similar is happening to everybody else.

So life continues to hurl itself towards you at the speed of light because that’s how it works, and suddenly - you’ve been with your life-partner for the better part of a decade or likely longer, having forgotten exactly when you wound up preferring the company of a good book and a hot coffee - over a night of impromptu lustful madness with that person who used to complete you – sometimes - after you completed yourself.

The once-upon-a-time, deafening enthusiasm has now given way to a measured engagement consisting primarily of timeframes, needs and motions (which is still ok because it's relief) but it’s not a frenzy of any kind and hasn’t been for a while. In fact, it’s almost entirely predictable, and for the most part, not so well presented.

You know your life partner pretty well and there is no doubt that you love that person deeply - and yet, there’s a lingering routine familiarity that you reluctantly accept because you have learned to believe into your reality that this picture represents what happy people in fulfilling relationships must expect and indeed, be grateful for.

You eventually feel constrained, confused and disconnected, but you hide it, suppress it and ignore it away, because that’s what people do to avoid exposure and confrontation - which, of course, makes it appear normal enough to digest without triggering a medical incident. At a point you can no longer properly remember, you began lowering your expectations to compensate for the difference between where you thought you were going - and where you appear to have landed.

Eventually the relationship becomes a little strained, but you don’t talk about it to your life-partner with authenticity - because you have learned away your freedom to do so, fearing an expected and yet entirely unreasonable response. It doesn’t matter anyway of course, because you cannot quite put your finger on what it is that bothers you so much, but somehow, the little things you once forgave each other over without a moment’s hesitation, seem much larger now; larger than they ever used to be.

Not knowing where to turn and not knowing how to turn, you make every effort to overcome your disenchantment with MORE of everything that isn’t working, and will pretend that it ‘is’ working, despite the unrelenting discontent; all the while - believing - that nobody else can see you.

Then one day you will die.... Need I say more...