Will you die lonely and alone - even if you're married?

Nothing gets in the way of a good relationship like erroneous preconceptions that linger, especially when they are negative and even more especially - when their power is enough to run a secret bio-weapons research facility in the Antarctic and a fancy penlight with a crappy LED timer built into the lid that everybody wants to fuss over in meetings. Energy considerations aside, rest assured, that engaging people through a of negative and probably erroneous preconceptions is NO way to play your 'Game of Life' to WIN; because playing to WIN, literally equals = having relationships that work. And, the reasons that this equation remains indisputable is simply that <<< relationships >>> are what human beings are all about.

Even if you feel entitled to your preconceptions because in your mind, they appear well founded, the problem with engaging others from such filters is that you will never see them for who they could be both for themselves and for others - including of course - YOU. Someone has to make a start for change to occur. If it doesn't work, then it doesn't work. But that's different to ensuring an outcome of failure.

The real problem is that harbouring negatively charged preconceptions about others, actually affects YOU first and foremost - because deep down inside you know that you're NOT being the best person that you can be. So three BIG questions should arise for you:

Who are you being instead? Why? & Is that working for you?  

If it helps, I have mathematically concluded that EVERY kind of negatively charged preconception about others (whether motivated by fiction, personal insecurity or the starkest reality) will achieve very much the same undesirable outcome – EVERY TIME. Whether you choose to believe it, or accept it, or NOT - engaging people through a filter of negative preconceptions actually prevents YOU from ever knowing that person in a way creates a positive difference and if you're not making that difference, then what ARE you doing?

In a conventional world, it is possible and common for shitty situations between people to linger - often for a lifetime. BUT given that every incident (whether real or imagined) becomes an historical event IMMEDIATELY after it has ceased occurring - how is it that SHITTY engagements and SHITTY relationships persist?

Well, the simple and entirely undesirable answer is, of course, because WE WANT THEM TO, since physiologically-speaking, there is no other reason. So the truth is that we consciously make and OWN a decision to fuel our negative preconceptions with OUR PRECIOUS LIFE energy (since they have none of their own) and we do this - because we DO NOT have the Emotional Maturity to play a BIGGER game of life.

You see, events and incidents come and go rather quickly, so it takes a force that is INFINITELY GREATER than virtually any momentary lapse of reason or judgement to tirelessly engage people in ways that compromise your relationship possibilities with them. A force such as, for example, your Emotional Fracture. In mathematical terms, imagine RESENTMENT x ABSENCE = DICKHEAD where DICKHEAD represents the amount of energy it takes to make people suffer endlessly for hurting you or for disappointing you in some way.

Make a habit of it and you will NEVER know whether the situation that triggered your upset was determined ‘regrettable’ by the offending party who might be wondering why it is impossible to recover. You will never know this - because your awareness will be stifled by both your anger and your desire for retribution' and without a firm nudge in your awareness, you will continue to engage people from the filter of your preconceptions and rationalising your undesirable behaviour, so that you can believe yourself victimised, entitled and justified - and that is plainly unattractive in every language.

What a wonderful way to avoid owning any part of the undesirable equation and remaining emotionally stagnant, all for the privilege of not having to confront your pain, accept your responsibility and see yourself for what you have actually become, rather than what you prefer to believe into your reality about yourself.

Perhaps inside of your anger / misery / disenchantment - a lifetime of ‘LOSE / LOSE’ is a small price to pay. After all, you get a significant return for your remorseless perseverance; that is the delusion that you are RIGHT and JUSTIFIED and ENTITLED and that you are not in any way responsible or accountable for the relationship breakdown - and YES !!! - I’m also and more importantly - referring to the relationship that you have with yourself, and BANG there it is again. That old chestnut ‘Your Personal Happiness’ or indeed - lack thereof - which just continues to rear its ugly head and just when you thought that no-one could see you hiding.

Perhaps the book that you MUST read, that one I’m bringing your attention to RIGHT NOW and the one I’m aiming to shamelessly promote (inclusive of the intriguing contextual departures, the incandescent humour, the signature confrontational style and the longer than necessary sentences) is in point of fact - ENTIRELY about - very little else.

You have been found guilty by a jury of your peers. Turns out - they are just a guilty. What now?