FOREVER & ALWAYS - A Way of Life Education By Ari Stathopoulos
A creative expression of continuous change...
You may know that the U.S. Supreme Court has recently legalised same-sex marriage across fifty U.S. states, right on the heels of a referendum in Catholic Ireland whereby Irish voters recently backed same-sex marriage by landslide.
Read MoreI don’t know what is it about our kitchen, but despite living in a house with reasonably generous living spaces, it is in the kitchen that we (the family) like to gather for a chat. Moreover, it is almost invariably unscheduled because we don’t work well with official time frames or controlled discussions. The last time we had a formal conversation with my children, all of their references checked out and they both got the job. Unsurprisingly, my life partner remains on probation, but my gut tells me she intends to stick around a while longer. We tend to congregate organically I suppose and we like to shuffle about until we find a sweet spot - the way a dog or a cat might do to get comfortable on a blanket - and while all this is going on, we ruffle though the pantry and the refrigerator looking for just the right snack for the moment and as we indulge, we take turns talking about whatever matters to each of us.
Read MoreNothing gets in the way of a good relationship like erroneous preconceptions that linger, especially when they are of the negatively charged kind - and even more especially - when that charge is sufficient to sustain a secret bio-weapons research facility in the Antarctic or a fancy penlight with a rudimentary timer function that everybody likes to fuss over in meetings. Energy benefits aside, I submit that engaging people from a filter that has is stained with erroneous preconceptions is no way to play your game of life, especially if like me, you are playing to win; because playing to win - translates literally into to having relationships that work, since in the end - nothing else is really of any consequence.
Read MoreSeriously folks, how interesting can your resume be?
I’ve personally given up talking about what I do for a living and focus instead on what I do in every other moment of my life; and it’s working for me for two reasons. First because I am far, far larger than my day job and second, because I am also no longer boring anybody into taking their own life with a magic marker and a nail file. No involuntary manslaughter charges on my horizon. I wonder if in this moment, you can say the same.
n my last post, the Next Beginning, I hinted that ‘Your Enemy, Your Friend’ is not a lengthy, linear narrative of any one critical aspect of our humanity. It is essentially an eclectic and diverse collection of related ‘way of life’ insights that are elegantly weaved – and when required, violently interwoven - for the sole purpose of achieving Emotional Freedom by triggering Greater Awareness; an awareness that enables you to distinguish your ‘way of life’ constraints when they refuse to otherwise reveal themselves as constraints. The entire book is, in point of fact, an unashamed expression of - ‘being’ - a departure from conventional belief frameworks, value systems and ‘way of life’ doctrines that introduce and conspire to preserve Existential Obsolescence; an involuntary refusal to accept a new idea, another point of view or to try on a fresh perspective that conflicts with or contradicts what you believe to be right, real or true. Especially when what is being threatened by a change in perspective, is your manufactured identity, preferred reality or perceived sense of value. Add a handful of rogue egocentricities and insecurities to the mix and you will have yourself a recipe for rationalising your own emotional and intellectual imobilisation; i.e. your capacity to change.
Read MoreHi again folks,
Having been properly floored by the response to ‘Relationship Catastrophe’ I decided to find my feet and continue with the theme, but from a slightly different angle; that of Your Personal Happiness; nobody else’s – Just yours.
Imagine that every external relationship you have, is just another Revealing Expression of the relationship that you have with yourself. Now imagine this assertion to be true for EVERY relationship that you will EVER have. Make no mistake about the efficacy of that statement. It is a reality that I present to you without equivocation. You can test it, by no longer imagining it, and it will still be true; unlike perhaps, some other aspects of your life that will often depend on your imagination to find their place in your ‘Way of Life’ ecosystem. In the context of Your Personal Happiness, you can rest thoroughly assured, that if the relationship that YOU have with others is not particularly healthy, then the relationship that YOU will have with YOU will NOT be particularly healthy either, and Your Personal Happiness will reflect - Exactly That.
Importantly, in the context of a ‘Relationship Catastrophe’ - who you are ‘being’ with YOU, will spill, ripple and bleed painfully into all your relationships; particularly, the relationship with your life partner, and there is NO amount of fluffy reading that can fix that. What fluffy, politically sensitive and overly euphemistic material WILL do - is pander to your insecurities and make you feel warm and a little less hairy about who you are NOT being, by Disrupting Your Personal Unhappiness - with vague phraseology, intriguing distractions and mysterious diversions that will lead you steadily, almost imperceptibly, toward a life of crime.
There are far too many people, who, like me, have been side-swiped and emotionally lacerated because of their unwitting reliance on intangible ‘Way of Life’ platitudes that appear to have substance - when in reality, they are little more than creative expressions with artificial appeal. Only when properly contemplated do they reveal themselves as counterfeit; as imitations of anything even remotely realisable. The very unfortunate outcome of subscribing to them, thereby investing one’s self in them - is that they leave most people dangling from the same branch by a different foot; effectively abandoned – and staring at a slightly dissimilar landscape masquerading as a life-changing experience; perhaps not too unlike the abstract art experience – I digress.
You Enemy, Your Friend - doesn’t do any of that. I willingly risk your condemnation for my approach to the noble pursuit of Your Personal Happiness; and so - to that end, I challenge you with this understanding.
Personal Happiness is “ALL THE HAPPINESS THERE IS”. Simply, there is NO OTHER KIND.
Being happy for others for example - is a kind of happiness, sometimes a very good kind of happiness, BUT it is NOT and CANNOT ever be the same thing nor can it be a worthwhile substitute . I hope you ‘get’ that.
So where then is all of this Personal Happiness hiding? I hear you ask...
The answer of course, is ludicrously simple:
Your Personal Happiness IS in fact – EVERYWHERE - that Your Personal Unhappiness - IS NOT. Take a moment to discover that statement for the unmitigated clarity that it conveys in the simplest of terms.
My dearest enemy and my dearest friend, there is NO point scouring the earth with a metal detector and a selfie-stick - looking for Your Personal Happiness as though it is hiding under a stone. Your Personal Happiness is already with you. You were BORN with it. You trusted your community with it and you community helped you to learn it away. But it wasn’t intentional. So move on by taking action to recover it. REVEAL Your Personal Happiness, by unearthing every aspect of Your Personal Unhappiness and making an example of it. Be 'gangsta' with it.
Begin by intercepting every moment of your discontent as it occurs. Don’t move past it quickly so that you don't have to deal with it. Slow down and become present to it. It takes a little practice and is of course - tied into the philosophy of Greater Awareness as a path to REAL Emotional Freedom. When you’ve identified an aspect of thought / behaviour that you determine contributes to Your Personal Unhappiness, you can take action to remove it from your ‘Way of Life’- if of course, that is what you want. You have the power to choose your action.
Eventually you will need a little help because - it is what you CANNOT see - that matters the most. But that’s why we have a book. In preparation for that book, there will be a lot that you CAN actually see because you ARE INHERENTLY CAPABLE of doing that - by way of being HUMAN. Never disrespect your humanity with oppressive rules and guidelines that take that power from you. Again...I digress just a little more.
IMPORTANTLY - You CANNOT remove somebody else's thought-behaviour – ONLY yours. Try it and see what happens. Anything that other people THINK, SAY & DO, is for THEM to own. Who YOU are being when that happens - is YOURS to own. Behavioural CATASTROPHE emerges when YOUR behaviour is undesirable despite your intention AND it occurs when you try to change somebody else’s – so that you can be happy.
I warn you, this will NOT be easy. Deeply Ingrained ‘Way of Life’ thought-behaviour is stubborn and will not be trifled with. It thinks it is YOU and it thinks it is REAL.
Where to begin - where to begin – Where to begin?
Here’s a hint...Way of Life mistake No. 1.
Most people will mistake Achievements, Possessions, Acknowledgement, Validation and Admiration - for PERSONAL HAPPINESS.
See what you can do with that little nugget. Take all the time you need. If you like, post me a question.
Carry out this activity properly and you will surprise yourself.
Carry out this activity long enough and you will become quite good at it.
Carry out this activity a little longer - and you will eventually RUN OUT of things to do.
I wonder what you might be left with then?
Once again – I have enjoyed being your Enemy. I’m even considering becoming - your friend.
Haha- just kidding.
You might think that the biggest hurdle most people will confront in the context of their personal and life-partner relationships, is accepting that they are unfulfilled in some fundamental and confronting way; and you would, of course, be - Dead Wrong!
People know they are unfulfilled. What they don’t know is ‘why’.
By far, the biggest hurdle for those of you suffering personal and relationship discontent is, in fact, the understanding that you are - entirely responsible - for both creating it and for addressing it.
In any moment, you entirely own 'whatever and 'wherever' you are in your life, which I suspect is likely to be inside the confines of your agreed-to value and belief systems, your learned and nurtured insecurities and your powerful, undistinguished egocentricities (where we seem to spend way more time than we should).
Consider the possibility that it is entirely YOU, holding YOU captive to your personal insidious ‘Way of Life’ catastrophe, not realizing that you are doing so, and being convinced that it isn’t true.
Consider that, without a little nudge in your awareness, you may be compelling yourself to endure a lifetime of unnecessary disenchantment.
Then one day, you will die; at which point, I suspect you will be quite dead and unable to debate the issue.
So debate it - Now!
Next Week – a glimpse of what a ‘way of life’ catastrophe looks like.
PS – Today I have been your enemy. Next week, I will still be your enemy because frankly, it’s more fun this way for both of us.
Your Enemy, Your Friend - The Book.
Greater Awareness
Emotional Freedom
Personal Happiness
Relationship Madness
Profound Serenity
Every aspect of this work centres &
pivots across five critical thematic
pillars that define the intention,
purpose & landscape of the transformation. They are:
Greater Awareness
Emotional Freedom
Personal Happiness
Relationship Fulfilment
Profound Serenity
A powerful nudge in your
Personal, Relationship and
Social consciousness.
To see the mess that prevents
you from living the way that you
imagine. What you do with that
information is entirely up to you.
Ari Stathopoulos Copyright © 2017
